i feel like crying….im losing my shit again….

well i got my rebel tattoo today, and im happy with it. really happy. but i feel so horribly bored and confused. help. oh geez i want it to be spring break already….

Im such a disappointment…i dont apply myself to anything…i could have been a beast on piano…..i could have been really good at mallets…i could’ve been a decent drummer….but im not. I suck at everything. I set goals for myself and I just eventually give up. I could’ve gotten thinner and fitter, but I got lazy and stopped trying. Now im back where I started. Over weight and unhappy. Fuck man I need to get my shit together.

i need some fucking confidence….and higher self esteem……shit….

fuck well I failed at posting something everyday. its ok  was at pulse practice. but still I fail. speaking of which Ive noticed I don’t really understand many things. what things do I do that cause people to stop talking to me. is it some low key thing that I say or do that bothers you so much that I get ignored and you don’t talk to me? like really. im sorry for whatever I did. I don’t exactly know what it was, but im sorry. im not needing or asking for attention, im just wondering why it is people choose to stop talking to me and end up loosing a person close to me, a friend….and  don’t have many of those….sigh, imam just go finish my cookie and go to bed and ponder and cry.

i dont have much to say today. the same problems are happening and nothings changed. i just dont know how to say no in a polite way. any way shape or form comes off as bitchy. welp. im so fucking hopeless.